| | you know, i've always thought about this. at least once a week this pops in my head. there's a few things i imagine that happen, i wish i knew for sure.
1. i think there's a "heaven". some kind of place that is basically perfect. when i was a little kid, i always imagined heaven being in the clouds, literally, a city in the sky. now that i'm getting older though, i'm unsure, i'd like to think it's still like that. a flawless empire where you don't have to deal with current life problems, where everything just works out nicely. and i'm not religious at all, i believe in God, but not obsessively or anything. i pray every now and then, but i never go to church. the amount of faith i have is good enough for me. to me, being super religious and what not won't get you into the "kingdom above" whatever that means...i think we'll all go there, maybe if you're a bad person who's done lots of horrid things in this life, then maybe you're out of luck. this is what i imagine most and hope happens after i die.
2. i've wondered, do we just die and that's it? it's over? just nothing? we're just nothing again, like before we were born? no knowledge of any existance before hand? i've talked about this with ian, and it really scares me. because i don't EVER want to lose/forget him when i die. i want to be in "heaven" and still be with him, or if i die first, i want to be there and watch and wait for him to come next. the thought of just...being extinct and disappearing forever into nothing scares me shitless. it makes no sense to me, to just dissipate into nothing. i could go on and on about this...it just freaks me out.
3. you hear about being reincarnated, some people believe it, some people don't. but if that's what happens...was i a reincarnation before i was me now? and if i was, why can't i remember anything from that life? is that what's going to happen? after i die, will my soul be reincarnated into another girl? maybe a boy? a cat? a flea? and once again, i'll have no memory of the previous life. maybe in my dreams something will trigger an old memory of an old life...but that's it. i'll forget everything and everyone i have now in this life, and it really scares me. once again. i know a lot of the times i really hate my life...but frankly, i love my life right now, and i don't want to forget anything- good or bad. and i don't want to forget the people around me ever.
those are the few things i really think about when this subject comes up. i've talked about it with nava and ian before. i mean really, what does happen? what happens to our spirits/souls? i really hope my vision of heaven is what happens after i die. i don't want to be reincarnated into someone/something else and forget my life i have now, and i definitely don't want to just...vanish and be nothing again. i want to continue this life in heaven, and stay at an age i'll be most happy with, and just live forever there with the people i love. i don't want to live forever in this life, but definitely in heaven.
this subject is just so confusing. because to live forever might just mean your soul forever being recycled into other people/things. i just hope it's not like that. i really hope not.
i think i'm scared to die.
<3.
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| | Posted 10/1/2008 10:50 PM - 30 Views - 0 eProps - 1 Comment
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